Chapter 3.5

I'm feeling terrible. I just woke up from a terrible nightmare. I was holding Robi and I's baby in my hand, and at the same time I saw John bringing a flower to my place about to tell me that he would like to get back to me. It's horribleeeee. I'm very fearful and stressed up right now. I'm afraid of falling pregnant, and I still hope for John to come back to me. I called Robi 5 minutes earlier, but he didn't pick up.

I guess the first thing I'm gonna do tomorrow is to confirm if I really am... preggers. I really really really hope I won't be, though honestly we did it at the worst time ever. It all started when I went over to his place. His wife and daughter (er.... yes. I left out this important part in the very beginning) were away to visit his in-laws. It started from a glass of wine he poured for me. As always, I was very depressed when I sought him, and he's always been there. He told me to talk about it over wine. So we did. One glass after another, it led to a kiss. He told me he loved me but I can't remember what I replied to him. Then we just cuddled and started to make out on the sofa. One thing led to another and there we had it. He said he hadn't felt that good for such a long time, I told him, me too. And all the warm caresses from him felt nothing like John's. Nevertheless, I guess I've been yearning for all those touches for such a long time that I did agree to my action to let him do it to me.

Come to think of it, I don't really love him. In fact, I don't at all. For one, he has a family of his own, and secondly, I still cling a hope on John.

But...